I have worked with so many people who have asked, “why me?” Why was I the one my uncle touched? Why was I the child that did not have new shoes when school started? Why was I punched by my dad? Why did I have to have an alcoholic mother?

I know I have asked my own “why me” questions: why did I cause my parents to get a divorce? (I now know that I did not cause their divorce.) Why couldn’t I have been my mom or my dad’s favorite kid? Why was I so unlovable? Why did I have to have ugly teeth? Why did I have to look like a boy and be made fun of? Why was I the last one to be picked for the kickball game?

Many of us grew up with the hurt and confusion of thinking we were singled out. We were the only ones who have been through this one thing that made us different than everyone else. No one could ever understand our experiences. We often become adults and still believe we are all alone in that suffering.  

While we, indeed, have unique aspects of who we are, and perceive and interact with our experiences differently, we are not alone in our wonderings of “why me?”

So, what is the answer? Why me? Why you? I could go into a theological explanation here to tell you about how sin entered the world, and we are not exempt from the consequences of sin. And how we all suffer from the sins and choices of those that have come before us. And, yes, I can make a meaningful argument for how God can heal you of those hurts and generational sins. I could tell you of how He chose you to take what was meant to be ugly and turn it into something beautiful for His kingdom. This would be a much easier explanation than the alterative of what I have for you—I don’t know why you.

I do not understand why people hurt people, especially when adults/parents hurt their children. I find it hard to believe that loving parents would ever intentionally hurt, physically or emotionally, their children. But it happens. As an adult and parent, I have worked through many of my own traumas. I made the mistakes with my children. I wish I had known then what I know now (great cliche, right?). But I didn’t. I cannot go back and undo their hurt or questions of “why me?” I can only teach them and show them now what unconditional love is and help heal them. I find this one of my highest honors.

And now I help others to also heal and grow past the unanswerable “why me?” What did your “why me?” teach you? What is it teaching you? What can you glean from that hurt and pain to grow and heal and find the joy that has been hidden for so long? Who are you meant to help? Who is coming along your path that is walking where you once walked? Who needs to hear you say, “I can relate to that”?

Please do not stay in your questioning and looking for that answer. You may never find it. Look to what it has brought you through. What it has taught you. What you can say you have survived. There is a reason bigger than any of us can understand that you have been through what you have. Find peace in knowing you are not alone.